depressed (1, 2, 3) (spring 86)

from songs on spring by Betsi Krisniski

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when you asked / if i was done / i said yes
cos i didn't know what else to do
when you / get so depressed / and are following through
on what the voices all say to you
and I / am falling fast / you’re falling faster
and further away
and I don’t really know what to do / except talk to you
when all’s said and done at least we’ll be friends
one, two, three…
you can only mend / the same hole / in your favorite dress
so many times
before you work your way around the binding of the sleeves
and you're binding to the binding of the binding / of your bind
and you go out in the rain / in the coat you’ve come to love
but suddenly the wind gets through
and you realize it’s cold and you realize you’re numb
one, two, three…
i am an artist / a contractor / a contractess / I’m much less than I’d like to be
and over and through it all / I always kinda knew / you would destroy me
we just laughed and set the latch / on little mouse traps / bait the roots of the tree and then I wince when it hurts
I can’t really say that I regret anything and how awful is it that I miss being yours
one, two, three…
it's like a little purr / a sound machine - a bare minimum, heartbeat
I would hold my breath when you left
time will not heal this / the precedent’s set
they all want me deep breathing and counting and feeling
but I haven’t felt anything since you’ve left
one, two, three

so here I’m alone / cos that’s how things belong / 
and everything ends up the way that it should
and I play and I sing and I make my own tea which is something I’ll never improve
and I made you promise if you broke my heart you would do it right
well I guess you did. 
So thank you for not lying about everything
You came through in the end


from songs on spring, released October 31, 2019


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Betsi Krisniski Hudson, New York

flighty, fidgety, all-in-one modern day june cleaver of acoustic assault.

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